So lately I have been considering further study. By lately, I mean, literally the past week or two. Around the time bubba turned 6 months old a veil lifted and I felt ready to rejoin the world, although not to the same capacity as before. I feel change brewing and an internal drive and feeling of mild anxiety is pushing me to make a move.
I have applied to university!
Eek! What have I done? Three formal offers have come to me so far, out of the six courses I have applied for. There are so many things to consider…
- Do I study part time and work part time? This will mean that the degree may potentially take 10 years to complete (particularly if another bubba comes along during that time).
- Do I study full time? I would love to smash it out in four years, but what about money? Gee it would be tight if we were only living on one income. Perhaps I could do some casual work on the side – but how do I find time to be mama?
- Would I be stressed and would my child suffer due to my distraction?
I want to be fully available to my child/ren. I never wanted to be a parent who is too busy with her daily life to really be there 100% for her child/ren but, now here I am, being pulled in a direction that I know is going to take some of my energy away from that of motherhood. That being said, surely my daughter growing up and seeing her mother striving and achieving personal goals will be a positive influence on her life.
The cards I have pulled with this conundrum in mind are pictured above. The message I am getting is “just do it”, now is as good a time as any. I have the power and intelligence (both mental and emotional). I have worked hard to get to this point in my life and it is time to reap what I have sewn – build onto the foundations I have worked so hard to lay. And finally, I am adaptable and malleable – I have the ability to maintain a balance in my life. There will be hard times, but there will also be good times and this balance; this ebb and flow; this yin and yang (see my Instagram post on yin yang) is what our life here on earth is all about. It is all a learning.
So now I will await all of my offers and weigh up my options. Here’s to the ever changing nature of life on earth.