Motherhood

It’s been a long time since my last post. Two years to be exact. Why has it taken me so long to come back? It’s not like I’ve had nothing to write about… on the contrary, things have been full on these past two years. I got married! Yes, to my soulmate. We bought a house! Cute as a button and neat as a pin. I finished my diploma (in the nick of time)! We had a baby! Wow what a whirlwind. But more on that later…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I have found myself in a situation which has forced me to slam on the brakes, so to speak – Motherhood. Me. The person who always had too much on her plate… working full time, studying, volunteering, trying to maintain a social life, attempting occasional yoga or meditation classes (because, you know, you’ve got to pencil in time for inner peace). Suddenly everything just stopped, and motherhood began.

I hadn’t realised just how distracted I had become. Life was busy. I had time to fill. Every second had the potential to be filled with a task, even if it was simply perusing my phone. Motherhood requires presence. A baby requires 100% attention, care and above all, love.

I found pregnancy difficult. Like so many women, I ignored my body when it told me to slow down. I continued to push myself through terrible morning (all day) sickness and when that didn’t stop me, symphysis pubis dysfunction reared it’s ugly head. I cried nearly every morning before work for weeks. Exhausted, sick and barely able to walk towards the end, I still managed to get my final assignments in for my diploma just 6 days before giving birth. What kept me going? Well, I guess it was an unreasonable expectation I had on myself. I know I’m not alone in thinking this, but I felt like stopping and resting would be failing. Eventually I did stop and rest. And then came baby.

What an absolute whirlwind of sleep deprived delirium. Strangely enough, although I had fought my natural instincts for so long, once I had my babe in arms I was completely under their influence. Pregnancy and birth involves the opening of the heart chakra and I can see and feel that with the birth of my babe this is exactly what began to happen within me.

My journey with my little one here on earth began a little over 5 months ago and I am finally seeing my purpose unfolding before me. Living from the heart.

I will be sharing more on my journey each day and would love to hear from like minded mamas. How has motherhood affected you?

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A Visit to Ketut Liyer

Lotus flowers in the garden of Ketut Liyer.

Lotus flowers in the garden of Ketut Liyer.

So I have just returned from a beautiful holiday in Ubud, Bali.  I was lucky enough to share this holiday with a group of family and friends who joined my partner and I in celebrating our marriage.  But more on that another time.

Let’s talk about Ketut Liyer; or Ketut Liar as he became known in my circle.  He comes across as a sweet, happy little old man with a huge grin which displays a remaining two or three teeth.  Upon arrival to his traditional family compound the first thing I notice is just how well off this family is.  My family and I had been to visit a typical Balinese family compound only days before and they seemed to be lacking the flat screen TVs, shiny surfaces and immaculate gardens of the Liyer residence.  There were beautiful little lotus ponds and more birds in cages then I had ever seen outside of an overstocked pet shop.

We were greeted and each asked to take a number tag from a little hook on a post.  I got number 5.  We were then directed to take a look around the grounds; there was guest accommodation at the back of the compound and some cleared land where some building work was soon to take place.  After a quick look around, we decided to take a seat in the waiting area which consisted of a couple of comfortable lounges underneath some framed photos of Ketut and family with Julia Roberts on a little verandah with a view to Ketut on the opposite side of the compound.  He was sitting cross legged facing a Japanese tourist who seemed to be listening intently and laughing along with Ketut at all the right times.  It was at this point that my father decided he no longer wanted a reading.  “It’s too commercial”, he said.  “It’s not what I expected”.  “Fair enough”, I said, “I see what you mean, but he did come recommended by a local guide”.  You see, we had not gone searching for the acclaimed Ketut Liyer of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ fame; no, he had been recommended to us by a local guide without any prompting.  My thinking was that if a local is recommending him, he must be good.  Regardless of this, dad gave his number (8) to another member of our group who was initially only along for a sticky beak.  By this point in time there were quite a few more tourists waiting.  Mostly Japanese and Korean and one lone European girl who had the aura of a free spirit on a spiritual quest who had been driven all the way from Kuta.

I was the first of my group to meet with Ketut.  I approached the verandah and started to take my shoes off.  “250”, a younger man (possibly a son or grandson) stated while holding out his hand.  “250?” I repeated.  “Yes, 250”, the man confirmed.  I was a little taken aback.  You certainly aren’t asked to pay upfront for this type of service in Australia.  A good psychic knows that it’s not always possible to give a reading to every single person who books an appointment, plus it’s a rather hefty sum for any service offered in Bali.  In Australia, this would have sent me packing immediately, but I just put it down to cultural differences and handed over my 250,000 rupiah while swallowing my feeling of being cheated.

The reading itself went something like this:  He looked at my left hand and squeezed it so the palm was all squished up, “You so lucky, everything you do success, are you married?”  Yes, I say.  “You so pretty”, he says while touching parts of my face and ears, “You so lucky, everything you do success, you married?”  Yes, I say.  This continues for quite some time.  All the while he is reading either my left palm, face, back of neck, legs and left arm.  About 4 or 5 minutes into the reading; and probably about the same number of questions regarding my marital status later, my nostrils are invaded with an intense smell of urine.  Oh dear, I think they may have an adult nappy on him.  At this point I am feeling concerned for the poor old man.  Is senility starting to kick in?  Does he have a choice in whether he participates in this ‘fortune telling’ scheme?

Three more family members visited with Ketut after me and were told almost exactly the same.  Lucky, successful, pretty, long life, marry soon, etc.

I think Ketut Liyer is a people pleaser.  At an age when most family elders are left to their devices, sitting on the verandahs of their huts within the family compound, chewing betel nut and slicing bamboo or slowly whittling wood with arthritic fingers, Ketut is not only contributing to his family in a huge way, but he is also sharing laughs and smiles with hundreds of local and international visitors each week, all of whom are coming specifically to see him.  I can understand how he must feel pressured to give the people what they want.

I certainly hold no ill will towards the old man.  He seems to simply be playing the card he was dealt.  That being said, I certainly will not be recommending a visit to Mr Ketut Liyer to anyone looking for anything more than a simple celebrity encounter.

Good night and I wish you long life, good luck and success in everything you do. 🙂

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A Car called Zen

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“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 

It’s funny how little signs and messages are thrown at you.  Sometimes they are so vague and easy to miss, while other times they stand out and demand your immediate attention.

Just over a week ago I received some very strong signals around Zen Buddhism.  First of all I watched a TV show.  Just an ordinary, non-spiritual TV show, yet the main storyline of the episode revolved around Zen Buddhism, with the lead character wishing she could be as peaceful as a floating gardenia.  Later that day I watched a video about numerology; there was a lady being interviewed and she started talking about how she practices Zen Buddhism as a way to stay detached from other people’s energy.  I thought this was very interesting as Zen Buddhism is not something that generally comes up in day to day conversation.  I immediately felt there was something important in this ‘coincidence’.

The following day I had to take my car in for repairs and pick up a hire car.  It became quite the ordeal, taking much longer than I had planned.  After a lot of waiting and having to do a last minute swap as the car I had been assigned did not have a working power socket to plug my GPS, I finally hopped into my new car for the week and headed to work.  Walking out of the car park I looked back at the car and had to do a quick double take.  The licence plate was ZEN 580!  Not only is ZEN a very prominent sign, but 580 in numerology is also very meaningful.  I looked up Angel Number 580 at Joanne Sacred Scribes blog and it resonated deeply.  I am working towards starting my own business and have just started laying the foundations of this venture by enrolling in some courses of study.

The message I am receiving loud and clear though, is that I need to slow down and look inside.  I need to pay more attention to my higher self and less attention to the physical, material aspect of my life.  I am going in the right direction and I will always have abundance.  I just need to focus on what is important and the rest will fall into place.

I will be looking into Buddhism more deeply also.

Namaste 🙂

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The Garden of Eden?

Pandora's Box

“Of course she had to know what was in the box since she was possessed by a lively curiosity. One day she lifted the lid and out flew plagues, sorrow and mischief for mankind. In terror Pandora tried to shut the lid, but it was too late. The only thing left in the box was hope.”

I have been very slack with keeping this blog up to date!  The year of the horse is galloping by like the wild stallion that it is. So much is happening and I have barely written a thing.  I feel like I have definitely become distracted with the physical world of late.  Not finding enough time for inner exploration, and even choosing to watch TV rather than meditate or to surf the net instead of read.  Naughty naughty…  That being said, I have still managed to make some interesting realisations and receive some very strong messages in the past few weeks.

As you know, I feel a strong affinity for the Sumerian Priestess, Enheduanna.  I feel drawn to her and am interested in knowing more about the time in which she lived and how this early civilisation has shaped the world as we know it.  How did human society shift so drastically in it’s respect and admiration for feminine wisdom and power to the repression and fear we have been experiencing since the crumble of this ancient society and the rise of religion as we know it today?

Sumer and it’s surrounds, in what is now known as Iraq, was the world’s first large scale civilisation.  People from surrounding small villages, living idyllic lives in riverside huts in what was the glorious wetlands of ancient southern Iraq started to uproot and converge on this new modern existence.  In the city, people worked together to create an easier more structured life.  People were safe within clay walls and food and water was readily available.  As word spread, more people converged and the city grew and grew.  How could anyone return to their simple existence in the Garden after knowing the glory of the city with its awe inspiring structures and wise rulers?  Unfortunately it would not last, for a large city requires a large amount of resources and the land surrounding the city was stripped and polluted.  Crops eventually failed, its people suffered famine and disease and eventually Sumer was conquered by the Semites.  Their Gods had forsaken them and soon the ancient folk stories of Sumer would make way for the bible we all know today.  A Bible in which God is vengeful and women must submit to their husbands and fathers.  If you are up to date with your history (or simply watch the news) you will know that this part of the world has continued to be defeated and controlled by foreign rulers ever since.  Women have been fiercely controlled and subdued and religion has been used as a political weapon to maintain control over the masses.

I feel like I am only seeing the tip of the iceberg at the moment.  I am hoping that this awareness will lead to great things; that I can share my knowledge with others as they share with me.  I have hope for a better world.  A peaceful world.  A truthful world.

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Be still & go within…

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“Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out.”

~ Katherine Dunham

You know that feeling you get when anxiety takes over?  It grabs you around the chest and squeezes until you’re struggling to be set free.  Your arms are weak and your heart is pounding.  Well that’s me today.  Sunday of all days!  So I’m going to try and write it out.

Yesterday I spent most of my day at the Mind Body Spirit Festival in Brisbane, just walking around, looking at stalls and sitting in on a couple of talks and performances.  All in all it was a good day, but very tiring and so much information and psychic energy to take in and process.

A performance by Jason McDonald really opened my eyes to the extent of some people’s psychic gifts and really makes me wonder why some people seem to be born so in tune with spirit and beyond while others, well… aren’t.  Although, when you talk to those extraordinarily gifted few, they will mostly tell you that anyone can do what they do, you just have to be open to it.  Which leads me to another question: Why do we unconsciously place limits on ourselves?

As a child I saw spirits or ghosts, I even had mini premonitions.  I didn’t have to try to be open to this, I just was.  Maybe that’s just it. It’s not about trying or wanting, it’s just about being and allowing. 

My card for the month of March is “Be still & go within”, so that’s what I am going to do.  It’s what we all need to do sometimes.  When information is bombarding us from all directions, when we have deadlines at work and partnerships to maintain; when we feel like we are 5 or 6 people all at once playing different roles.  The planner, the organiser, the mystic, the lover, the student, the guru. Sometimes we need to STOP.  We need to remember that none of these labels define who we really are.  On an energetic level we are no different to a flower or a puddle or a tree.  Just molecules.  We started as a single cell in this life and that is how we will end and what we do in the middle is totally within our control.  We just need to chill the flip out and let the inspiration flow.

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A higher calling that’s hard to ignore…

 

 

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“When angels help us through life, sometimes they do so in ways that may not be immediately recognizable to us. They often deliver answers, hints, messages, and warnings through signs–signals, or anomalies in life, which let us know that they’re with us.”

~ Doreen Virtue

Happy New Year!  Now I know it’s the 12th of January already, but better late than never!

It’s been nearly two months since I last posted and quite a lot has happened.  Christmas and New Year for two.  I’m also engaged!!!

I’m now on my last day of three weeks leave, during which my partner and I took a 5 day vacation that took us from the country to the sea.  It was so peaceful and perfect.  After day one the build up of stress from the past year and the always hectic Christmas period just melted away, replaced with quiet serenity.  Aaaah 🙂 The proposal took place on the last night, high on the balcony of our holiday unit overlooking the twinkling lights of the Gold Coast over the bay in the distance.  Magical!  I was shocked, but not necessarily from surprise.

Visions of the future…

Well, it’s been an interesting, joyous and somewhat magical start to the year.  When I’m away from work and in a relaxed state I find that I can more easily hear/see/feel the important messages that the universe is sending me.  I feel change buzzing around me at the moment and the energy is electric.  Three nights prior to the proposal I dreamt of diamond rings, lots of them in boxes all around me, and I noticed I had one on my wedding ring finger.  When I looked closely I noticed there was no diamond and I was just wearing a silver band.  I think I woke up after this.  I mentioned it to my partner the next day and he shrugged it off, but I had a feeling he might propose.  As is typical of me, I kept pushing the feeling aside with my rational mind.  We’re saving to buy a house this year, why in the world would he want to spend money on a ring?  Three nights later and what did he present me with, but a silver band and a proposal! A few days after that I found myself surrounded by diamonds, picking out my ideal engagement ring.  Dreams really do come true! hehe.

Baby you can drive my car…

We have two cars, both the same make, model and colour, but one is much older than the other.  The old car is my first car.  It’s 22 years old and I’ve had it for the past ten.  It’s reliable and mechanically sound and has never given us a reason to want to let it go. This being said, for the past couple of weeks whenever I would sit in the car I would get an overwhelming feeling of sadness and nostalgia and words like “I don’t think she’ll last much longer” would pop into my head.  Now, a couple of days after returning from our vacation, the fiancée headed off to work in the old car, a few minutes later he called me.  A truck had run up the back of him while he was sitting at a stop light.  Thankfully fiancée wasn’t injured, but the car didn’t fair so well.  We’re currently waiting to hear whether the truck’s insurance company will pay for repairs or just pay us out as a write-off.  My intuition tells me the latter…

It’s a sign!

A few days ago, at 4 am, the smoke alarm in our lounge room decided to go off.  Up I jumped out of bed with the fiancée and dog in toe to investigate.  We found no sign of smoke or fire (which was good), but the alarm continued with it’s high pitched BEEP BEEP BEEP (not so good).  We have 12 foot ceilings and no ladder so our solution was to slide the dining table under the alarm and put a chair on top of that, the fiancée then had to stand on our structure while holding onto the ceiling fan in order the pull the wretched thing down.  In the end we had to pull the battery out to make it stop.  Throughout this ordeal, all I could think was, ‘It’s a sign’, and a very bloody loud one at that! The next day I contacted some highly intuitive and fabulous friends of mine to ask for their thoughts on the matter.  They said: “Something is brewing that you need to put a stop to.” “The alarm being at such a height indicates a warning from a higher authority or guide… Make sure you listen to your inner voice, it never leads you astray…. I believe it is a message to do with your higher calling spiritually”.  Time to sit up and pay attention I think!

It’s in the cards…

This morning after a short meditation I set the intention of giving myself a card reading for the year ahead.  I used a deck that I recently purchased from My Spirit called The Nature Speak Oracle.  The card I drew from January is pictured above.  Very fitting I think.  February was ‘Iris – Maintain hope’ which I’ll go into in more depth next month.

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Next I asked for help with my immediate future.  I drew these cards from my Doreen Virtue, Messages from your Angels Oracle Cards. I was thinking about work and drew these three cards, one after the other.  Absolutely perfect!  They are all about my higher spiritual calling and life purpose.

I can feel a certain magic brewing.  2013 felt so stagnate at the time, but was perhaps my year of preparation for the big downhill locomotive that is 2014!

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Lost in a State of Doing Without Being

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“You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.” ~  Anaïs Nin

It has been a while since my last blog, two weeks to be exact, and I have gone through a certain amount of turmoil since then.

The day after I blogged I was struck down with an excruciating pain.  Tests later confirmed that I have ovarian cysts and that the pain I experienced was from one of those cysts bursting.  After being diagnosed, I came home and cried.  Of course this isn’t something that any woman wants to deal with.  It can mean difficulty conceiving or even maintaining a pregnancy to full term.  Although I’m not trying at this stage, having children is something I have always wanted for myself.  After the initial shock though, I got to work.  I know for sure that I will have children so my main goal right now is to prepare my body and soul as best I possibly can.  I started researching and decided to make some changes to my diet, including cutting out refined sugar, white processed carbohydrates and most dairy products.  My next step is to see a Naturopath to start an ongoing natural treatment plan as the only option my doctor could offer was to go on the pill, which I flatly refused.  What’s the point of masking the problem by pouring artificial hormones into my body?  I’m going to have to face the issue at some point in time so it may as well be now!

Apart from that I have simply been feeling down, blue, melancholy, out of sorts… or any of those wonderful adjectives that we use to describe that feeling of emotional despair we come to find ourselves experiencing at times.  I’m feeling overwhelmed and let down at work.  Feeling like I can’t give anything 100% because, maybe, I spread myself too thin.  All I want to do right now is take some time for myself and focus on nothing but my own spiritual growth and plan my next strategic career move.  I guess, when it really comes down to it, I’m feeling resentful that I don’t have the time or energy to focus on myself when I’m putting all of my resources into my current job.  What am I to do?  Maybe it’s the end of year blues.  Maybe it’s that same feeling I get after working in the same job for more that a year. Itchy feet.  A longing to reach the next milestone.  I’m such a gypsy at heart.

I now have four weeks until I begin three weeks of holidays.  Three weeks in which to centre and make some firm plans towards my future.  I’ll get there and I will jump forward in leaps and bounds.  Watch this space!

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